Mark Twain's Autobiography 1910-2010

What's that you say? Impossible! Sammy Clemens died in 1910, right? Relax, mister or miss, let's not debate it. Instead let's just see what he's been doing since his "death".
Let's see... he had a "latin period" where he went underground in Italy, making a name for himself by trading crabs for scrap metal and becoming known as the "shoutiest man in Naples".
Ok, and in 1952 he became a ventriloquist (or a "vent" to those in the biz) and became the most popular act in history at Sloppy's in Bridgeport, Connecticut after overcoming his initial fear of Woody, his dummy.
Alright, and there was the time he and his buddy Albert Einstein traveled back in time using blunt-trauma-to-the-head-administered-by-a -lab-monkey method (it's no small disappointment when we find out later that the method didn't actually work and, in fact, they were just dumped at a movie lot by the frightened simian).

Look, the man achieved more during his "dead years" than he did before. He became a hypnotist, inspired the likes of J.D. Salinger and Charles Schulz (by talking him out of calling Peanuts "L'il Shits"), traveled to space, became a wacky radio host, and - when a viewing of The Wizard Of Oz changed his life- interjected more than just a little fantasy into the gangster films he was writing in Hollywood. Sadly movies like Bugs Manion in the Wonderland of Curious Elves never found the audience they deserved and he ended this part of his career in the dregs writing porn films like Little Sleazer and other assorted sordid sex vehicles for actors like Basil Rashbone and Beddy Davis.

Come on, that's a helluva CV know matter how you slice it. The least you could do is read about it.

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